Trying to be a Hero
by nine miles to go
Summary: Fic made up of song-fics. Chris is betrayed by someone he trusted dearly, left to fend for himself and cousins and sister he is left to protect alone. -COMPLETE-
1. Hero

_Would you dance  
if I asked you to dance?  
Would you run  
and never look back?  
__Would you cry  
If you saw me cry?  
And would you save my soul, tonight?  
_

I'm fourteen years old and yet if you lived my life it would seem as if those years were milleniums. Today I feel as if time has stopped, as if the cruel hands of fate that once tick-tocked on earth's clock have come to an end. And I'm so numb I can't even bring myself to cry.

She lied to me. She betrayed me. I met her three years ago, when my life started falling apart. I supposed that I was vulnerable in my moment of weakness. After all, I'd just realized my brother was evil and that he was the one commiting the mysterious murders around San Francisco, blackmailing and killing his way to power. I was lost, scared, confused.

And that's when I met Bianca. She was the first good thing that ever happened to me. I'm generally ignored; there were seven Halliwell children living under one roof and considered the easy kid that never needed to be bothered. Not only that, but Leo hated me. Occasionally he even hurt me. And Wyatt wasn't any better.

For a while there I actually believed that the world was giving me something back by finally giving me a friend.  
  
_Would you tremble  
If I touched your lips?  
Would you laugh?  
Oh please tell me this.  
Now would you die  
For the one you loved?  
Hold me in your arms, tonight.  
_  
It was too good to last. I know that now, but then...it seemed so perfect. We met at San Francisco Park, sitting on the benches by the angel staues. I was trying to figure out what to do at the time. I mean, it wasn't that simple--my brother was evil and I was the only one who understood the full extent of the problem.

She was crying. At first she wouldn't tell me why, but I kept pressing, eager to help. She finally admitted that an evil man was trying to get her to kill someone. She was a phoenix--in other words, an assassin.

We were only eleven, but we fell in love that day. We were a couple in secret. I never told anyone in my family about her, scared that they'd take away the one thing I cherished. It's too bad I never told them. In the end it only hurt me.  
  
_I can be your hero, baby.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
I will stand by you forever.  
You can take my breath away._

After that day we were inseparable. She was there for me all through those hard times; when little Mel, my cousin, was murdered by Wyatt and Leo blamed me. The times when Leo would punish me brutally for the things I didn't do. When Wyatt would force me to watch as all the people I managed to get close to were tortured.

Yeah, she was always there. I remember our first kiss, on her thirteenth birthday. We celebrated it in her apartment and stayed up all night, laughing and talking. No one at home even asked where I was. We were out on the porch, overlooking the city...

It was the best moment of my life. And on my fourteenth birthday, she tod me she loved me. There were tears in her eyes and I told her I loved her back. I thought that our lives could be nothing but perfect from here.

_I was wrong.  
Would you swear  
That you'll always be mine?  
Or would you lie?  
Would you run and hide?  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care...  
You're here tonight. _

That night I was in my room. The night of my fourteenth birthday, and only the littler kids, Phoebe's and Paige's, remembered. There was no celebration or happiness. But it didn't matter. My head was up in the clouds, I was walking on air...Bianca, Bianca, Bianca. She loved me. We were going to live happily ever after.

Then I heard the scream.

Phoebe was out on a business trip with Jason, having left the kids. Paige was teaching a night course at Magic School. So the high-pitched shriek from down the stairs could only be my mother.

"Stay down here," I ordered the four of them, not including Mel since she was...dead. My little sister and Phoebe's twins and Paige's son blinked at me, too young to fully comprehend that there was trouble. "Don't move."

I orbed down to the kitchen.

_I can be your hero, baby.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
I will stand by you forever.  
You can take my breath away._

Bianca stood there, panting, holding a knife...drenched in blood. There was a fleeting moment there that I thought she'd been stabbed--but no. There was a body lying at her feet, lifeless and bloody.

It was Piper. She'd killed my mother.

"No..." I'd stuttered, unable to believe it was true. "No!"

"I'm sorry, Chris," she sobbed. "He was going to kill me. He was going to kill _you_!"

Tears filled my eyes and I rushed over to her body. There was no pulse. A sob wracked my body, but the tears never fell. I never cried. I was shaking all over--suddenly I seemed so cold.

"Bianca, how could you?" I whispered. "Why?"

"I didn't want to," she cried. "It was Wyatt. Do you remember the day we met? He wanted me to kill you, Chris! He wanted me to murder you in cold blood!"

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU?!" he screamed. "WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE?"

"Because," she wailed," she was going to be killed anyways. Wyatt would kill her if I didn't. And it was her life...in exchange for yours." She lifted her head, facing me, watery eyes locked with mine. "It was the only way to save you. To save US."

"NO!" I howled. "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU LIED!"

"Chris, don't," she pleaded. "I love you."

I scoffed. "I'm sure." I orbed away.

_Oh, I just want to hold you.  
I just want to hold you.  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care...  
You're here tonight._

Now I'm still sitting here, remembering all of the pain. All of the deciet. There are bruises and wounds all over my body from Leo's rage--of course he thought it was me. Who else? Santa Clause?

The rain beats down and I wince as they hit the fresher scars. Bianca, my one, my only...killed her. Piper may have never noticed, but she cared. She was a good person. She was the glue that held our family together, and now it has fallen apart.

Because she was super glue and I'm just a fourteen-year-old kid without a job. And yet I'm running the P3 on my own and protetcing little Andy and Prue and Cassie on my own now that Phoebe and Paige are dead. I won't let the same thing happen to them that happened to Mel.

Not over my dead body.

"You okay, kid?" asks a member of the band that was hired tonight. The club's still booming. I have no idea how I'm doing it, but organizing the club and taking care of the kids...keeps me occupied. Keeps me distracted like the balloon of pain in my gut.

"Yeah, fine. Good playing tonight," I say vaguely.

_I can be your hero, baby.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
I will stand by your forever.  
You can take my breath away._

"Hm." I watch as the band leaves. The street is empty and the rain dances before my eyes.

"Chris?" asks a little timid voice from inside the club.

"I'm coming, Andy," I assure him. I sigh, walking back into the warmth. I take Andy and Mel and Cassie's hands. "We're going home now," I tell them.

"Chris..." says Prue. "Who beat you up?"

"A demon," I say between clenched teeth. I do not lie. "A very, very bad demon."

We orb away.  
__

_I can be your hero.  
I can kiss away the pain.  
And I will stand by you forever.  
You can take my breath away.  
You can take my breath away.  
_

Later that night I watch them all, sleeping in the conservatory. They're so peaceful. They're too young to understand. Andy's only six; Cassie's three and Prue is four. They don't know what's happening. They don't know that the world is crumbling beneath our very feet.

And they don't know what it's like to feel true love and be slapped in the face by it. They don't know what it's like to be a voice never heard.

But I do know this: They are destined to be powerful.

And they're on my side.

I'll kill you, Bianca. And I'll kill Wyatt right along with you.

Just as soon as I stop loving you.

_I can be your hero._


	2. Fallen

* * *

Counterpart to the first song, Hero. This one is _Fallen_, from Bianca's perspective instead. Enjoy!

* * *

_Heaven bent to take my hand__  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight_

My name is Bianca. I screwed up.

It started three years ago, at my initiation. My mom told me that on m eleventh birthday I would finally recieve my powers. I had been so excited for the day; planning everything, hardly able to wait another moment.

My eleventh birthday turned out to be the worst day of my life. My mom and I woke early and celebrated--went out to eat, had cake. And she gave me the most cherished atrifact in our family for a present: The Grimoire. I believed that I was important, to be given such responsibility.

Our initiation begins with that. And then we our given our first mission.

I slowly realized that I was not important. I was anything but. My powers were to be used to serve another. At this discovery I was frustrated, especially when my mother shimmered us to the underground. I'd take my first orders from a man called Wyatt. I was to murder a boy named Christopher Halliwell.  
  
_Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear  
_  
"Mom...what do you feel when you murder somebody?" I'd asked, tears threatening to fall from my cheeks.

She'd wiped the tears away, struggling to speak. She seemed to be battling answers in her mind. "Nothing," she said softly after a moment. "You feel nothing."

I nodded. "Where is the boy?"

"It's your job to figure that. You must sense for your victim as a part of your initiation. Here is his picture." Lynn caressed her daughter's cheek. "I can't believe you're all grown up now. It's...a definite change."

But she never said "good change." She saw the disappointment in my eyes. The life of a phoenix would always be under a master's control--and here I was, the independant, fierce, strong-willed girl I'd grown to be, stuck in this world.

I closed my eyes and shimmered to where I sensed him.

_Though I've tried, I've fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I'm messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so_

I never could kill the boy. Christopher Halliwell. Oh, I had many opportunities to do so. He was so vulnerable. He was so trusting, so naive. So...so kind, so warm. Funny, smart, happy, strong. Everything I'd ever wanted. And he let me be independant as I'd always wanted to be.

See, with Chris I had freedom--the one thing I craved. With Chris I had true love, something I thought I'd never have as a phoenix. Our first kiss was my thireenth birthday--my mother had so heartily disapproved. She, of course, had grown as attached to Chris as I had. We both loved him. She loved him as the mother he'd nver had, since he was generally ignored around home.

But she kept telling me that the more I got into this relationship, the more that was at stake. I knew she was right, but I didn't listen.

Chris' life was twisted. His brother was an evil tyrant (that wanted him killed--but only I knew that). His father was delusional under the power of the elders, brainwashed to hate and hurt his second son. He lost his cousin, Mel, to Wyatt, and he was forced to take care of his three remaining cousins as his grief-stricken aunts searched for the perpetrator. And Chris took the blame from Leo.

But he was always happy for me.  
  
_We all begin with good intent  
Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past can be undone  
But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
In the lonely light of morning  
In the wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
That I've held so dear_

It became apparent that I'd forgotten the mission on his fourteenth birthday. "I love you," I'd whispered to him impulsively. Instantly I regretted the words. What if he didn't feel the same?

But he looked up at me with those sparkling green eyes and told me, "I love you, too. You're...the best thing that's ever happened to me."

And we kissed.

That afternoon I was summoned by Wyatt. "You have failed to kill the boy," he yelled. "You are a disgracce to your kind!"

The words meant nothing to me. I loved Chris. I'd do anything for him. My "kind" was no longer an issue.

"Look," he said between clenched teeth. "Either you kill his mother and aunts by nightfall...or I kill him. And there will be nothing you can do about it."  
  
_I've fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I'm messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so, no.._

I didn't want to kill them, but I had no choice. There was a part of me that knew that Chris would never forgive me, that we'd never be happy. But most of me ws trapped in this fantasy world where everything would be all right. Everything would be okay.

After I stabbed her, I heard footsteps. I froze in place. I'd never murdered anyone before. My mom had been wrong. After your first murder...life would never be th same.

The look of fury, betrayal, woe, and terror radiated through his eyes. Tears that threatened to fall were quickly brushed away as he yelled in anger, shaking terribly. Finally I shimmered out, and he orbed as well.

Now I know that in killing his aunts and mother I have only worsened his burden. He is trying to raise little Cassie, Catty, Prue and Andy on his own. Cassie and Catty, Paige's twins, only three; Prue, his own four-year-old sister; and Andy, Phoebe's six-year-old son. (Sorry--I forgot Catty in the last chappie!) And then there was Mel...the one Wyatt killed. She'd be eight. Andy's older sister.

He teaches them well. I've been watching...through his pain and turmoil. He's trying hard, so hard. He is hurt, but never shows it. Bruises are harder to hide than feelings, though. Sooner or later that spell Leo's under will do more than harm Chris.

And I'll be waiting. Waiting to save him.

_Heaven bent to take my hand  
I have nowhere left to turn  
I've lost to those I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
But it's one missed step  
You'll slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

He sits awake now, exhausted yet unable to sleep. I watch him, invisible by a spell, in the foyer. He watches the little ones sleep. I wish I could go back in time and make this never happen. I wish that I wasn't a phoenix. I wish...

I wish I had my Chris, my freedom, my love, back.

He is too hurt to forgive. I will have to wait longer. But it isn't easy to hide from Wyatt...he'll spot me sooner or later, leaving Chris wide open and vulnerable. I smile as he finally stretches his arms out and leans back into the chair, closing his eyes.

And stirs, frowning in his sleep.

_Though I've tried, I've fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I'm messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so, no..  
I'm messed up  
Better I should know  
But don't come round here...  
_

I suppose there was a time I was in his dreams.

Now I'm in his nightmares.

_And tell me I told you so._

* * *

So, what do you think? I may continue it. I dunno. This idea was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing, but you never know....

Thanks for all the lovely reviews! BRING ON THE COOKIES!! Lol, just are not necessay, just YUMMIFUL.

-Pink-Charmed-One-


	3. Predictable

This is "Predictable" by Good Charlotte in _The Chronicles of Life and Death ._

Disclaimer: If I owned Charmed, I'd be flaunting around expensive jewelry and designer clothing in DC instead of wearing my pajamas and typing THIS. Does it LOOK like I own Charmed?? No.

_

* * *

_

_Something isn't right,  
I can feel it again, feel it again.  
This isn't the first time,  
That you left me waiting.  
Sad excuses and false hopes high,  
I saw this coming, still I don't know why,  
I let you in. _

I turn to my left, kicking the demon with full force. Without a moment to spare, I swerve again to the right, ducking a blow from its clone and blowing it up. Is it over? I survey the foyer. No, not yet. There are two more. With a cry of pure rage I round on them both, taking them out with a kick. I gasp for breath. It was yet another demon attack from the evils that wanted to possess the Charmed One's children.

But I couldn't let that happen. It was now officially my purpose in life to protect them. "Make the object of objection become but a dream, and cause the seen to become unseen." (Wow, I remembered that off the top of my head!) The demon bodies disappeared somewhere in hell, I guess.

I collapse onto the couch. I wasn't that hurt, just a few scrapes, but a battle like that can take a lot out of you. Besides, Leo had done enough damage under that damned spell. "You guys, you can come out now," I wheeze.

Andy came down the stairs first, leading little Catty and Cassie down with him. Prue followed behind them. They looked shaken but otherwise used to the cycle of demon attacks. Usually it was about one everyday now.

Bianca basically wrecked our lives.

_I knew it all along,  
You're so predictable.  
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's going wrong...)  
So you don't have to call,  
Or say anything at all.  
You're so predictable... (So predictable...)_

There was a knock at the door. My ears perk up in surprise. Nobody ever came by to visit since they were all dead or ignorant like Leo. It was probably someone at the club that couldn't reach us by phone, or a friend of the girls'.

Oh no! We could be discovered. I didn't tell anyone about their deaths. Some social worker could be coming through those doors...and having us all shipped off to foster homes was the last thing I needed.

"Who's there?" I ask, finally catching my breath. The four kids froze, staring at the door.

"Darryl. Is that you, Chris?"

"Yeah." I sigh in relief and open the door.

"What happened to you?" Darryl demandsthe instant he sees me.

"Huh?"

"Was there another--" He lowershis voice, looking around the neighborhood--"demon attack?"

I nod. "Yeah, but we're all fine now. It was minor."

"You should get those cuts checked out," Darryl advises me. "Too bad Leo isn't around anymore. Hey, do you know where the girls are? I have a case they may want to check up on."

My face turns pale. "They're not home," I say quickly.

_So take your empty words,  
Your broken promises.  
And all the time you stole,  
Cause I am done with this._

"Chris?" Darryl asks me. "You can tell me, you know. Where are the girls?"

I look down on the floor. "They're dead. They've been dead for three weeks. I'm sorry, Darryl, but I...I couldn't tell you."

Tears form in his eyes. "D-dead?" he stutters. "And you guys are living here alone?"

"Please don't tell anyone," I beg. "They need me. They can't go anywhere else, demons will find them anywhere. I'm the only one that can protect them!"

"He's right."

I whip around to see Bianca standing behind me.  
  
_I could give it away, give it away,  
I'm doing everything I should've.  
And now I'm making a change,  
I'm living today.  
I'm giving back what you gave me,  
I don't need anything._

Anger shoots through me like an arrow. "What the hell are you doing here?" I scream when I finally get a hold of the situation.

"Chris, I'm--"

"Leave us alone! You've already wrecked everything, just go away!"

"Chris--"

I throw up my hands as if to blow her up and she squeaked, shimmering away. Darryl looks shocked.

"I was bluffing," I mutter, "I wouldn't really blow her up."

"Chris, I've known you all your life," says Darryl. "I know you can handle this, but there's only so much you can do on your own. Sooner or later other people will notice and they'll all be taken away..."

"Not if I can help it."

"God, you're just like Piper when you act all stubborn like that."

My gaze hardens and I stare at my feet, not able to face a comment like that. "She sure never tried to rub off on me. Anyways, Darryl, thanks for stopping by. Is there anything we can help you with?" he asked stiffly.

"No, but...well, call me and Sheila if you need anything, alright? We'll check on you guys."

"Thanks," I say gratefully, glad that he's on my side. Maybe things will okay.

_I knew it all along,  
You're so predictable.  
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's going wrong...)  
So you don't have to call,  
Or say anything at all.  
You're so predictable... (So predictable...) Now everywhere I go,  
Everyone I meet,  
Every time I try to fall in love,  
They all want to know why I'm so broken._

Once Darryl leaves, I turn to the younger kids. "Everybody all right?"

They nod. "Chris, why do the demons come? Was the girl a demon?" asked Andy.

"The demons come because they come," I sigh. It's too complicated for me to explain that he was considered powerful. I don't want to corrupt them like Wyatt and tell them all how special they are. Not until they're old enough to understand, at least. "And the girl wasn't a demon. She was just a very dangerous person that might as well be, and you all need to stay away from her."

"What's wrong?" asks Prue, seeing my expression.

"Nothing," I lie. "Why don't you all head up to bed? I'll come in a minute or two. Be sure to brush your teeth."

They run up the stairs and I watch, wondering if I'd ever be so carefree again.

"Chris--" Bianca comes out of the shadows, smiling slightly through her tears. "Did you really think I'd fall for that? You'd never blow me up."

"Just watch me," I challenge, throwing up my hands again.  
  
_Why I am I so cold,  
Why I'm so hard inside.  
Why am I scared?  
What am I afraid of?_

"See? You can't. Because we're in love and you know it. Can't we move on?" she pleads.

"Move on?" I whisper. "Move on?! How can we possibly move on after what you've done? Piper and the aunts are dead and if I make one wrong move, it's off to the orphanage for all of us!"

"I had no choice. It was either them or you."

"Then you should've killed me! I'll be as good as dead anyways, with Wyatt and these damned demons and--"I stop.

"Leo?" she provides softly. "I know. I've been watching. You're doing all that you can, Chris. But you can't do it alone...I want to help."

"Are you crazy? How stupid do you think I am? You got close to me and killed my mom and their parents. Now you want me to believe that if you get close to them, they'll be safe, too? I don't believe it. I don't even know WHAT to believe anymore!"

"Chris, I never meant to--"

"But you did. It's as simple as that." I turn my back on her, heading up the stairs to tuck the kids in. "Leave."

But as she shimmers away, a part of me wants to follow her. Out of habit, I suppose. But I know the truth. I could never follow her anywhere, ever again. It's just too wrong. What she had done was unforgivable.  
  
_I don't even know, this story's never had an end.  
I've been waiting,  
I've been searching,  
I've been hoping,  
I've been dreaming you would come back,  
But I know the ending of this story.  
And you're never coming back,  
Never..._

"Chris, we're hungry. We skipped dinner," Andy complains. I force a smile. "Alright, then I'll get us some. Stay up here and keep them under control for me, will ya?" I start to walk back down the stairs and realize just how hungry I am, too. It wasyesterday morning I last ate. I've been so busy with these demons--checking the book, protecting the little ones, vanquishing. Fortunately I still managed to keep food on their plates.

I look into the cabinet and sigh. There's only two cans of soup left--they could all share one tonight and the next could be breakfast or lunch tomorrow. I could go without food one more night until we stocked up again.

I brighten slightly, knowing that the paycheck from the P3 will be coming tomorrow, too. And if we were really desperate, we could always poke into the P3 kitchen when no one was looking and steal some of the food.

"Dinner's ready," I call after a few minutes of cooking. I pour the soup into bowls for them as Cassie, Catty, and Prue orb down in an instant, and moments later Andy come running down the stairs with a sheepish grin.

"I tried to stop 'em," he pants, sitting down at the table. I laugh.

BAM!

The three girls shriek and Andy nearly falls off of his chair. A demon, teeth bared and dripping with fresh blood, shimmers into the room threateningly. An energy ball is immediately aims at Andy, which I quickly shoot back at him with telekinesis. It only wounds the beast slightly.

_Never, never, never, never...  
Never, never, never, never...  
Never, never, never, never..._

I panic, deflecting all of the energy balls. Catty and Cassie flee for the bedroom, orbing on their own, while Prue orbs Andy. They know the drill by now.

"Stay up there!" I yell, still dodging the blasts and trying my hardest to fight this thing off. It won't give up, though, and keeps fighting as if my counter attacks are mere flies.

"What do you want?" I growl through clenched teeth.

"Power," it hisses.

"This is not the place to find it!" I duck away from another energy ball when I hear a shriek from the top of the stairs. I take a split second to divert my attention to Prue, who's standing there and pointing at me. That split second was all it took for the demon to gain his advantage.  
  
_I knew it all along,  
You're so predictable.  
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's going wrong...)  
So you don't have to call,  
Or say anything at all. So predictable... (So predictable...)_

The ball of energy was bigger than all of the others, passing right through me. It was cold, like slipping through ice. I let out a groan and dropped to the floor, only barely able to see the demon self-destructing from the power use.

Prue is running down the stairs, still screaming for Andy. "No," I moan, "stay. Please."

They don't understand. It doesn't matter if I die here; other demons are sure to pop up in a moment and they need to be up in the attic where the demons won't find them. But Prue keeps coming and Andy follows...

My vision blurs and I feel as if I'm drowning in my own blood. "Stay..."

It's too late. Just as I predicted, three demons shimmered in...and in less than a moment, they were gone.

Then, oddly enough, the phone rings. I lift my hand, using all the strength I have left. Maybe somebody could help us...Anybody...  
  
_Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,  
Everyone I love, (So predictable...)  
Everyone I care about,  
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me  
And I know what it is... (So predictable...)  
What it is is right now._

"Hello?" asks a voice on the other end. "This is Darryl. Is somebody there?"

"Help..." I moan, barely audible.

"Chris?" His voice is strained. "Don't worry, I'm coming back. Are you there?"

I can't answer.

* * *

Hehe. Saaaaaaaaaaaadness.


	4. Only One

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or this song by Yellowcard...but I do own what's left of my homework-obsessed mind! YAY! (not)

_

* * *

_

Only One 

_Broken this fragile thing now  
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces  
And I've thrown my words all around  
But I can't, I can't give you a reason  
_I'm upstairs in the attic when I hear the shrieks. In less than an instant, four frightened children have orbed there way up beside me. Catty and Cassy are crying, Prue looks shaken, and Andy's merely standing there with a look of exasperation.

"Didn't Chris tell you to go away?" he asks me coldly.

"I'm not a demon," I insist. "I'm not dangerous."

"I know that. Chris told me already."

I study the boy's face. Did Chris really tell him that I wasn't a demon? Somehow, I find myself surprised that he doesn't completely hate me. A crash from downstairs alerts me back into the current situation. "What's happening?" I demand.

"A demon," he responds casually. By now Prue is comforting the twins and Andy's walking over to the book. "Chris is going to need this if he doesn't kill the demon."

I note that he doesn't meet my eyes. But how could he know that I was the one that killed his mother if Chris didn't tell him? Or was there some other reason he was being so hostile to me?

An earshattering smash rings through the manor. I bite my tongue, but resist the instinct to shimmer down. Chris doesn't need me. He'd only be angrier if I went down to help him. Besides, Chris rarely ever lost a fight with a demon.

The noise stops. I figure that Chris will call up to them that its safe, but the call never comes. The children and I remain frozen in anticipation.

The phone rings and we all jump up in surprise. "Is anybody going to pick that up?" I ask them.

"No, Chris will," Prue answers. "It's probably just the club calling again."

I flinch. It's my fault he's managing the club on his own. Sure enough, after the first three rings Chris picks it up from downstairs. I run down the stairs to try and eavesdrop, but I can't hear anything but whispers. I strain my ear through the wall seperating the stairs from the kitchen. He sounds so pained...

I strike up the nerve to finally look at him and I feel I'm choking up my heart. There he is, laying motionless, on the floor. The dialtone of the phone still clutched in his hands is blaring and there's a hole in his stomach gushing blood on the floor.

"Chris!" I shriek. "Oh my god, Chris...what happened? Wake up..." I can't call 911. How can I explain this to them? My mind races and I finally come up with a name. Leo. But who was Leo? Why did I think of him so suddenly? Chris had mentioned his name somewhere before, I knew.

So I do the first thing that comes to mind. "LEO! LEO!! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

The sound of whitelighter orbs jingle through the room. A man appears in robes and my memory comes flooding back. Leo is Chris' father, the maniac under a spell.

The man turns to face me, his eyes glazed over and unfocused. "Who are you? Why are you calling me?"

I point a shaky finger at Chris' crumpled up form on the floor, but when he looks his face remains expressionless.

_I feel so broken up (so broken up)  
And I give up (I give up)  
I just want to tell you so you know_

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one_

"Leo, snap out of it! I know who you are! Your his father. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

His blank stare turns to me again. "Nothing means anything to me. If he dies it's not the end of the world. It's not my problem."

It's the spell talking, I know it. Deep inside his eyes I can see the longing, the slight tremor in his voice becoming more apparent. He's fighting it. That's a start. "You know that you care, Leo!" I burst. "Think about it...what would happen to your nieces and nephews if he was gone? Don't you care about him?!"

He's struggling with all of his might to gain control, his eyes flickering over to Chris. It doesn't seem that Chris has very much time left. I can't hear him breathing anymore and his fale is pale and lifeless. My blood runs cold. Is he...dead?

"Please, Leo...Chris is going to die if you don't do something!" Tears slide down my cheeks as I make futile attempts to awaken him from this curse.

He blinks, suddenly alert. "Dammit--Chris!" he gasps, running to the boy.

I can only pray it's not too late.  
  
_Made my mistakes, let you down  
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long  
Ran my whole life in the ground  
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone_

My vision blurs and I can't watch. There is no sigh of relief and the blood doesn't disappear. I hear sirens in the distance, but I know that it's too late. My Chris is dead.

The four children are standing at the bottom of the stairs watching Leo, a broken man, sob over Chris' body. My knees feel weak and I drop to the floor, weeping. It's all my fault that he's dead. All my fault...If I had just refused to take the oath as an assassin, if I'd just run away from Wyatt...and now he's dead. The only love I've ever know lays dead in vain in front of my very eyes.

The sirens come and the door breaks down, and I know what I have to do.

"Trust me," I beg Andy as I take my hand. "Please, trust me."

He nods, giving me his hand. I scoop up one of the sobbing twins in my arms and shimmer the four children away. They're my responsibility. I killed Chris; it's my fault. I shimmer them into my house and my mom sees me, covered in Chris' blood, and shrieks.

"Mom, I'm fine," I promise her. Tears slide down my cheeks and I whisper. "It's Chris. He's...dead."

"Oh, honey," she chokes, her voice straining. I know she cared about Chris as much as I did.

"Could you watch them?" I plead, indicating the bawling children. Andy seems to be in a state of shock, Prue is weeping uncontrollably, and the twins are throwing a temper tantrum and screaming incoherent words at each other and pointing. "I need to be alone for a moment."

I shimmer into the manor just in time to see the stretcher pull Chris into the ambulance. "He's dead," I whisper to myself. Nobody can hear me. "Don't you know he's dead?" A small sob escapes from my throat as I watch the sirens whir away.

_And something's breaking up (breaking up)  
I feel like giving up (like giving up)  
I won't walk out until you know  
  
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do  
You are my only my only one  
_

"Bianca, right?" asks Leo. He's crying, too.

I nod.

"Thank you for breaking the spell. I only wish...that I could've saved him." His voice breaks and he looks down. "I guess I was pretty horrible while I was under that spell, huh?"

"Yeah. You hurt him, Leo. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I can tell you that I was closer to him then you ever were." My words are cold with ice, slapping him in the face. "But don't thank me, Leo. If you knew the truth about me then you wouldn't even be speaking right now."

"You killed Piper," he whispers.

"I know. And I regret it more than anything else." I turn to him. "He was going to kill me. He was going to kill Chris! I had no choice...and now he's dead..."

He puts a hand on my shoulder as I sob. "You two must have been very close."

"He hates me now...but he's dead..."

"Bianca, I can never forgive you for what you've done to Piper and her sisters, but I want to thank you for helping me and my son. Even if it was too late for both of us."

"It's never too late," I breathe, shimmering away from him. I find myself on the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, screaming up at the sky. "Bring him back! Bring him back down here!" I demand to the elders. "You don't understand. We need them! They need him, those poor little kids need him. The world needs him. We're all going to die if he doesn't come back...Please..."  
__

_Here I go so dishonestly  
Leave a note for you my only one  
And I know you can see right through me  
So let me go and you will find someone_

_Bianca? _

I whip around, shocked, as my tears dissolve in the wind. I look up. "Chris, I hope you can hear me, wherever you are. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you and those little kids, but I'm going to make it up to you. I'm going to help them, no matter what. Can you hear me, Chris? Can you hear me?" I bury my face in my hands, weeping for the love I've lost. My whole life seems to flash before me. The only important moments were with Chris.

Standing out on my porch, our first kiss, chasing after the ice cream trucks on those hot days in the park, battling demons side by side, knowing that he'd protect me no matter what, long walks talking on the streets of San Francisco, staring up at the moon and naming the stars.

It'll never happen again. I killed him.

_I can hear you. Hold on...I'm coming back. _

"Chris?" I ask uncertainly.

_Hold on. _

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you  
You are my only, my only one  
My only one  
My only one  
My only one  
You are my only, my only one_

"Come back," I moan. "Please..."

_I'm coming. _


	5. White Flag

_I know you think that I shouldn't still love you  
I'll tell you that  
But if I didn't say it  
Well, I'd still have felt it  
Where's the sense in that? _

I don't know what's happening to me. I'm weightless and free falling, and yet I'm being shoved and pushed. I feel warm and yet there's so much pain. It's so peaceful here, but the screams of the world ring in my ears. The white emptiness surrounds me, but I there's nothing more that I want to do than escape this place. There's danger here. I don't know what and I don't know why, but I want to get out of this place NOW.

I think that I've been here before, in this white place that's soft like a cloud as nails dig into my skin. Yes, it's vaguely familiar. Once when I was eight years old, Wyatt "accidentally" stabbed me with Excalibur. But Paige saved me with her healing powers before I made it all the way to this place.

Looking around, I realize that I'm crying. I don't cry; it's just not my nature. But I'm realizing that the screams are those of my little sister and cousins, of Leo, of Darryl. Bianca. She's calling out my name now, begging me to come back.

As I search this place, I know that there's no escape. I'm dead.

"It's over for me, isn't it?" I ask whatever's keeping me here. "Just please answer me. I'm so sick of this. Always wondering, never knowing. Don't make me wait. I need to go back."

Predictably, nobody answers. The screams from Bianca are becoming more intense, piercing through me like daggers. Their pain, their regret, their anger. It courses through my vains and it's all because I'm dead.

"I don't want to die. I'm not finished. Can't you see that I have things to do?" Tears slide down my cheeks. Crying is the weirdest sensation I've ever felt. "Hold on. I'm coming back." I wish Bianca could hear me. I wish I could snuggle with the twins and read them bedtime stories, I wish I could take Prue by the hand and tell her that I'll protect her from the demons, I wish that I could ruffle Andy's hair and call him my little buddy.

Memories flood my mind. I can't lose them. Without me...I don't even want to know what will happen to them. They're only little kids.

"Andy, take care of them. Prue, remember that you never have to be afriad of the dark. Catty and Cassie, always stay innocent and good." I heave a sigh. "Could you just kill me now and make it short?" I choke out to the bright, vast space before me.

"You've waited long enough, I suppose."  
  
_I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were  
  
Well I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

"Who are you?" I demand. There's nobody hear, but I feel a presence. And then I realize what's happening. I can't see or hear anymore. I've been stripped of all my earthly abilities. The voice is inside my mind, and I've heard it before. At Catty's and Cassie's wiccaning.

"Grams?"

"Yes, that would be me. You've caused quite the uproar here, Christopher Perry Halliwell."

"What do you mean?"

"You weren't meant to die; the Angel of Death never collected your soul. We can't explain it. Anyways, while you've been waiting, we've been arguing."

"What about?"

"Your survival. We all see the great things you've already done, the lives that you've touched. And we can see what you are going to do. Chris, you have great potential. You're a hero. Never forget that."

"Wait--what's happening?" Suddenly her voice is a whisper a million miles away. I'm spinning. All is chaos and I'm seeing red all around me. With all my heart I pray for the madness to stop.  
  
_I know I left too much mess  
And destruction to come back again  
And I caused nothing but trouble  
I understand if you can't talk to me again  
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'  
Then I'm sure that that makes sense_

It's sticky, gooey, and wreaks of a coppery metallic smell. I moan and the liquid squishes in my fingers. I feel no pain but I'm exhausted, on the floor...in the kitchen of the manor.

I ease myself up to my feet, drenched in blood. Whose blood? I look around frantically for an answer. There's a boy on the floor, a gaping hole in his stomach. I reach my hand toward him, frightened by what I may find.

Wait--where's my hand? It's gone! I don't have a hand! I gasp in shock, looking down at my torso. No legs, no stomach. It's as if I'm not even here. What's happening to me? Again I stare at the boy and know immediately that he is dead.

The boy is me. I'm _dead_.

You might think that you'd freak out at the realization you were dead, but no, not me. It's an eerie sort of calm, like it's impact hasn't really hit me yet. I'm too shocked to say or do anything but gape at the lifeless figure. Me, dead, on the floor. And this must be what it feels like to be a ghost.

"But...but why didn't I move on?" I whisper. "Why am I still here?"

_This is your chance to prove yourself. Prove to us that you deserve to live. _

My head snaps up. "Why are you doing this?" I cry, but at the same time I know there will be no answer. Nobody ever answers me...it's been that way for a long time.

A muffled sob from the banister catches my attention. It's...it's--_Leo_?

_Well I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be  
_

No way. Why does he care whether I'm alive or dead? It makes no sense. He never cared about me before. Like I said...nobody ever answers me. Ever. Yet here he was, staring at the dead kid on the floor. Ugh, it's so gruesome to think that that mangled _thing_ is me. And what the hell am I supposed to do to prove myself?

To be perfectly honest, I've never seen Leo cry before. I feel kind of sympathetic. I mean, it was my fault he was crying, because I was dead.

My expression hardens. It was HIS fault for ignoring me. It was HIS fault I was dead in the first place.

"Leo....dad," I correct myself with a sigh. I know he can't hear me. "I'm not dead. Not yet. There's gotta be a way."

Leo freezes in place for a moment, and his ears perk up. I back away from him, not letting him get too close.

"I wish you were still here," he whispers.

POP.

_What made that noise?_ I wonder. I look around, but the house is empty. It's just me, Leo, and the dead kid--erm, dead me. I look over at Leo again.

"Oh, shit." It's Barbus at Leo's shoulder.

_And when we meet  
As I'm sure we will  
All that was then  
Will be there still  
I'll let it pass  
And hold my tongue  
And you will think  
That I've moved on_

Barbus doesn't see me at my first, and I can read his lips from his distance, whispering into Leo's ear: "It's all that girl's fault that your son is dead. You have to kill her...you have to kill Wyatt...you must kill those elders that didn't break the spell..."

"No!" I choke. "It's not true! It's not their fault, it's not anybody's!"

Barbus pauses and the dazed expression in Leo's eyes at once becomes alert. "Barbus," Leo whispers.

"That's right, it's Barbus," I confirm, hoping he can get my message.

"_You_," Barbus sneers. "You're ALIVE! How can that be?"

"You tell me," I mutter, flicking my wrists. But Barbus doesn't freeze, blow up, or even move with telekinesis. I stare down at my hands again. Oh, right--the whole "dead" thing doesn't exactly have its perks.

Barbus is looking around the kitchen, eyes narrowed. "Where are you?!"

He can't see me! I run over to Leo and say, "Leo, don't listen to Barbus. It's a lie, all of it's a big lie. You have to resis--"

A hand grabs hold of my neck and pins me down to the floor. Damn, I can still feel pain in death. And anger--plenty of it.

"I can't see you, but I can hear you," Barbus cackles. "It's time for you to say good-bye." He aims a fireball at me on the floor, but I quickly roll away from it and jump to my feet. I have the advantage for once. He has no idea what he's aiming for.

"You know, this isn't the first time you'll die. You may get away now...but you just wait eight and a half years, and then you'll see..."

"What the hell are you saying?" I demand.

"You're destined to die, Chris Halliwell. And I'll be right there when it happens." With a tsk-tsk, he shimmered off.

I know where he's going. He'll never give up and tell he's turned somebody off the edge because of my death.

"The proving thing will have to go on hold," I call up to the elders. That is, if anyone's listening.  
  
_Well I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

_Go to Barbus. Stop Barbus. Follow Barbus...I've got to save them!! _

Finally I open my eyes with a jolt, trembling all over. I'm in Bianca's living room, and Prue, Andy, and the twins are on the couch. The twins are fast asleep, Prue is crying, and Andy is pale in the face as if he's in a trance. I reach out to his open hand in his lap, but phase right through him. I utter a small cry as he shivers, almost as if he can feel me.

But he'd never know.

Besides, I can't linger. The pain in their eyes...

"I'll be right back," I promise, knowing that finding Barbus is more important.

"Okay," he says sleepily, not really realizing that he heard me. I manage a weak smile before turning away to face Bianca, sitting in the kitchen with her head in her hands. Her hair's been tossled by the wind and she's been crying.

I wish I could feel bad, but I don't. Conflicting emotions course through me. I love her--I HATE her. She saved me; she killed them. I want to rip her from piece to piece, bit by bit, and yet I want to hold her forever...why is she doing this to me??

"You killed him. Killing them meant _nothing_. They killed him in the end, and you both lost. Chris died because you left him all alone with four kids and a club and demons...You'll never see him again and you didn't even get to say good-bye."

"Stop it," Bianca moans.

"You have to kill Leo for ignoring him. You have to kill the children for burdening him. You have to kill the cops for coming too late..."

Bianca's eyes glaze over. "I have to kill them," she repeats.

"No!" I scream. "Bianca, listen to me! Please, Bianca!"

"She can't hear you," Barbus laughs. "She's mine!"

"Shut up!" I yell, fuming. "You're wrong! She'd NEVER--"

"You're anger is consuming you," Barbus laughs evilly.

Bianca, in a trance, slowly rises from her chair towards the kitchen utensils. She's going to kill them. The realization seems to hit like a bullet. I have to do everything I could to stop her.

"Bianca, no!" I beg, running to her and grabbing for the glimmering blade she no clutches in her hands. But my hand passes through her. "Stop! You can't! The didn't do anything!" The knife hovers over Andy's head as she shakes.

"ANDY, RUN!"

The boy's eyes snap open and he lets out an earshattering wail of fright at the sight of Bianca and the knife. Lynn rushes into the room and Bianca's eyes are vibrant and full of life in an instant.

"You won't stop me," Barbus growls.  
  
_Well I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be  
___

"You watch," I shout back at him. Suddenly the entire room is blowing around violently, a tornado seeming to develop around me. So consumed in my rage, my passion, lights begin to shatter and a powerful force of light erupts from around me.

"I won't let you win. No longer will you torment the ones I love...no longer will you feed off the fear, the anger..."

"What, you think you can defeat me? You're too scared of failing. Of ending up evil, just like your brother. Of letting Wyatt win...of letting me win...but most of all, ou're scared of losing them." He indcates the small children and Bianca, as if ready to shoot them dead.

Red lights blare in my face. So much energy goes into my one task...All the pain I've endured seems to penetrate my every cell, all the sadness, all the rage, all the memories spin inside my head. Alone, helpless, worthless. He's right. I don't matter.

NO! I can't let him win, that's what he wants! With a last cry, the energy bursts and the room fills with light. Barbus screams in agony, sinking to the floor. He burns up into a pile of ashes on the carpet.

The red fades from my eyes and I collapse to the floor.

_I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

But as I hit, I realize...I felt pain. I'm solid.

I'm alive.


	6. Taking Over Me

Taking Over Me

Disclaimer: I'm working on it, peoples. Lol. But as of right now, I do not own Charmed. Sorry! Try again next week! Lol.

_

* * *

You don't remember me but I remember you  
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you  
But who can decide what they dream?  
And dream I do..._

It's been a year since Chris' death, and I still don't think I've come to terms with it. I know that the little kids aren't. Sometimes when I just can't seem to sleep, I can hear them, talking as they dream. They all call out for the same person. Chris.

To this day I feel horrible for the part I played in his young death. The year I've spent here mourning him has been the worst in my life. I wish I could join him...but I'm not that selfish. Andy and Prue and the twins need me now. Now that I've killed Chris and there's no one else left for them, they've been living with me and my mother.

Some nights I even hallucinate that he's still there. That we're still fourteen again like we were last year and he's just standing there, staring out my bedroom window at the stars. He always loved watching the stars. Then I'll slowly rise out of bed, reach out to touch his shoulder...and he'll disappear. Poof. He's gone.

And then I'll cry, just like I do every night. Just lay back down and cry.

"Bianca," says an impatient seven-year-old Andy. "We're late for my soccer practice. C'mon!"

"Sorry," I tell him, breaking away from my wandering thoughts. I'm supposed to be over this. It's been three years. Why am I still thinking of him? "Catty! Cassie! Prue!" I call up the stairs. We moved into a house when they came along, since the apartment was too small. "Hurry up! We're late!"

"Really late!" Andy added impertinently.

"Alright, we're coming," Prue whined, pulling the twins along with her. "Sorry," she mumbled sarcastically.

My mother drives us over to the park where Andy plays soccer. But I know that he isn't always playing with the other kids. When we leave, he usually sits out. I think it's too hard for him to be there when Chris used to cheer him on whenever he was playing.

But Chris is gone. And I know that as well as they do.

The girls and I go window shopping out on the corner mall near the playing field. It's when their squealing about two dolls in the toy store that I hear someone call out, "Sam! Watch out!"

I whip around. I know that voice....My eyes travel in every direction until they finally lock on a boy, fifteen at the most, calling after a little girl in the street.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
You're taking over me_

His brown hair flies back revealing bright, alert green eyes as he runs out and pushes the girl back to the curb just before a car whooshes by. He pulls the girl onto the sidewalk and helps he shakily up to her feet, and she hugs him in graditude. The entire street seems to freeze at the narrow rescue, and suddenly there's a freaking pandemonium all over the place.

But my heart is dead set on getting to him first. That boy. It's not an ordinary boy. It's...

"Bianca!" Prue calls after me. "Bianca??"

"Stay put," I order, pushing my way through the crowd.

I'm running so fast that I don't realize I'm bumped hard into somebody's shoulder until we both hit the concrete. "Ugh..." I moan.

My victim is quick on his feet, helping me up. I gasp when I right myself and all time seems to freeze. For a moment I feel like I can't breathe. The air is frozen, too, along with everything I've ever been told...

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Chris..." I choke. "How...?"

"You know my name?" He frowns. "Odd. Hey, Sam, get back here. You know you're supposed to be holding my hand. You scared me back there. You could've been hurt."

The little girl returns to his side and her big blue eyes glitter up at me.

"You mean...you don't remember me? Chris, it's me. Bianca."

He shifts uncomfortably, as if thinking about what a maniac I am. "Erm...I'm sorry. I don't recall," he says politely.

Sam laughs. "Chris doesn't remember anything. He got conked on the head or something before he came to the orphanage and everything was just a blank!" She shoved him playfully and he grinned back at her.

My eyes well with tears. "You...you really don't remember me?"

A small flicker of recognition seems to flash through his eyes, then disappears. "No, I'm really sorry," he apologized. "Did you know me? I mean...before I lost my memory."

"Oh. I..." I stomp on the ground. "How could this happen? To you, of all people?" I cried. "You can't remember anything?? Not even Wyatt and Andy and Prue and the twins? Oh, Chris..." I sob.

Chris seems alarmed at my reaction, and so does Sam. "Look...Bianca," he says, "I really have to go. See you around?"

"Yeah. Could you...meet me here tonight? Same place?"

"Er...sure. When I get off duty."

I nod. "Un--until then," I sniffle, shaking his hand to confirm it.  
  
_Have you forgotten all I know  
And all we had?  
You saw me mourning my love for you  
And touched my hand  
I knew you loved me then_

"Bee, where'd you go?" asks Catty. Or Cassie. I can never tell them apart, especially not through these tears. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I shift my gaze to their feet. "C'mon, let's go." I take their hands and we walk solemnly to an alley where I shimmer them home. My mother sees us immediately and panics.

"What happened? Are you all okay? Where's Andy?"

"We're fine," I assure her. "Andy's still at practice. Um...Girls, why don't you go upstairs and play for a little while, okay?"

Prue eyes me suspiciously before taking her twin cousins by the hand and dragging them up the stairs.

"Bianca, what's going on?" my mother demands.

"It's Chris," I manage to tell her after a moment. "He's alive."

My mother embraces me. "Honey, you're seeing things. He's been dead for a year. A whole year. He's not going to come back."

"No...I mean, out on the street while we were shopping. He was there, Mom. He saved some cute little kid from getting hit by a car." I look into her eyes, hoping maybe for just a glimmer of belief. But there is none. She thinks I'm hallucinating again. "He was real. I talked to him! He can't remember anything, he said his memory is a blank and it's been that way for a year. A year, Mom," I stress the word. "Chris has been gone for a year. That boy has got to be our Chris."

"No, honey," my mother corrects me. "That's a boy that's lead an unforunate life and probably just resembles our Chris." Her voice softens. "I know how much he meant to you...but you've gotta let go someday."

There's no point in continuing this conversation, I figure. "I know," I say, defeated. I look at the clock. "You'd better go, you'll be late to pick up Andy. I'll watch the girls."

She sighs. "It'll be okay," she assures me before walking out to the car.

No, it won't be. Not until I find him.

So that's why I find myself waiting past ten o'clock in the dim light of a streetlamp next to the curb where we met up.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
You're taking over me_

Finally I hear the echo of footsteps rushing towards me. "Sorry--I'm--late," he pants, tired after running. "I got held up. Tonight was my night to manage dinner."

He steps into the light and I gasp. There's a bloody cut on his forehead. "What happened?" I ask him.

"Huh?"

"Your forehead. It's bleeding."

"Oh...I'm used to it. I..." he trails off. "Look, I really have to make this quick. Before the warden realizes I'm missing."

"The warden? Chris, where have you been?"

"All I can remember is the orphanage. Everything else is...blank. The warden is the lovely man who manages the place." He laughs bitterly. "Lovely indeed," he adds with sarcasm. "Anyways, I was kind of hoping...that you'd know about me. I mean, who I was. I've been searching and I haven't found anything."

"Chris..." I held back my tears. How can I tell him what his life was like? What I did to him? How I betrayed him and killed the people he cared about? "I can't describe to you what a wonderful person you were. You touched so many hearts...and saved so many lives. It's so complicated. This may take a little while."

Chris hesitates for a moment. "Okay," he says, "but like I told you. I'm pressed for time, here."

"I know." I take in a deep breath and begin. "Your name was Christopher Perry Halliwell, and you were half witch, half whitelighter. Witches protect innocents, whitelighters protect witches. Your mother was a witch and your father was a bast--I mean, whitelighter." I pause to see if he's shocked or anything, but his face is blank. "With me so far?"

"I-I think so," he stammers.

"Good. You had an older brother, Wyatt, and a little sister, Prue. Your mother and two aunts--they're--um, dead now--but they made up the Charmed Ones, the most powerful force of good in the world. Your powers were telekinesis, time freezing, and orbing."

"Why did they die?" he interrupts me.

"Huh?"

"How did my mother and aunts die?" he repeats.

I hide my face in the shadows. "I guess you could say that I killed them. I'm sorry. You know that horrible magical force killing people all around the world?"

"Yeah...I recently joined the Alliance, cuz I knew I had powers. What about him?"

"He's Wyatt. Your brother."

"Wh-what?"

"The evil force is your brother. And I had to take orders from him and kill your aunts and uncles and mother. I'm sorry...because you losing your memory is my fault, too. You were left to take care of Prue and your cousins, Andy and Catty and Cassie. You were left to support a nightclub, P3, on your own. And..."

"And what?" he asks weakly.  
  
_I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough  
So many things inside that are just like you are taking over_

"And..." Tears well in my eyes again, and my voice broke as I choked, "And you we fending them off from demons right and left. You didn't sleep. You didn't eat. You had to, to keep them alive."

"Wait...you said I had a dad. Where was he?" he asks, confused. "Dead?"

"Worse. He was under a spell and constantly trying to kill you." I clear my throat, remembering Leo. Does he know about this? Should I tell him Chris is here? "He's okay, now, I guess. I haven't seen him in a while. He was a real mess after you died. Everybody was. We all care about you so much..."

"I'm not dead," he asserted. "I'm here. Keep going. What happened? Why does everyone think I'm dead? Why can't I remember anything?"

"Because one day, a demon attacked and you were caught off guard. You told the littler kids to go upstairs...you fought the demon...and..." I let out a sob. "When I came down the stairs, I found you dying with a gaping hole in your stomach. There was no way to save you. Your dad was under the spell, and it was too late by the time it was broken. You were dead."

He's silent, staring at the ground.

"Do you remember anything now?"

He sighs, crestfallen. His green eyes are welled with tears, too. "No," he admits. "It's still a blank. I can't remember anything. Not even you."

"We were in love," I add softly after a moment. "Come with me, to my house. We can use spells. We can help you get your memory back."

He smiles sadly. "I'm sorry, but I can't; there are some things more important than my memory. I can't leave the orphanage. The warden...he hurts people. Badly. I'm the only one there to defend the little kids when they do something wrong."

"Oh...so...that explains the cut." I let out another sob. "It's not fair. You don't deserve this." As I start to cry, I instinctively fall into his arms. He doesn't flinch.

"Neither do they," he says firmly. "Good-bye, Bianca. I'm really sorry. Thank you...for everything you've done for me tonight."

"Don't thank me. I ruined your life."

He smiles at me. "No...you probably saved the lives of those little kids at the orphanage. No matter what the intention, it turned out t be a good thing. So don't worry. I'll be fine." He frowns for a moment. "I still don't understand how I came back without a memory if I died."

"Magic," I blubber. "Everything's all the fault of magic."

There's a long pause. "Good-bye," he says after a moment, slowly rising to his feet. "It was...nice to meet you."

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
You're taking over me_

It's not good-bye, though. I follow him through the twisting alleys. Where could he possibly be headed, running so quickly? His movements are so swift, I can barely hear him moving. The only evidence of his presence is his shadow, dancing rapidly alongside him. I guess some things never change. He'll always be hiding from something.

Is he hiding from me? Does he know I'm here, behind him?

He takes a moment to catch his breath, leaning on the brick I shiver involuntarily on the other side of the dumpster, waiting for him.

"What the hell...?" I hear him gasp. I jump out from my hiding place and see a darklighter smirking just yards away from him, and Chris frozen in shock and confusion. "You're the warden! How--?"

"There will be no new members of the Alliance while I'm around..." he sneers. "Especially the twice-blessed like Wyatt."

"I'm _not_--" He never finishes the sentence. A croak of surprise escapes him and the next thing I know, he's fallen to his knees, the arrow sticking out of his gut.

No. Not again. Anything but this...I just found him! I need him! More than anything in the world! I can't handle him dying again, not like this. It's not fair. I'd have killed him twice. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't even be out here in the dead of night, vulnerable and afraid.

The darklighter--presumably the "warden" that had caused all the suffering so long--black orbs away, giving me a salute and sickening smile.

I don't even stop to think. I run over to Chris and tug out the arrow as he moans. "LEO! LEO, PLEASE! LEO WYATT, GET DOWN HERE!" I take a deep breath, then continue, "LEO! LEO! WHERE ARE YOU? LEO!!"

The orbs materialize and a panicked Leo is facing me, utter shock painted all over his face. "How...? Is that...?"

"He's dying!" I scream. "I can't lose him again! Hurry!"

"Bianca..." he gasps, coughing up blood.

"It's okay," I assure him as Leo rushes up to heal him. "Please be okay..."

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
You're taking over me_

He opens his eyes, catching his breath, and I realize...it's the first time I've ever seen him cry.

He buried his head in his hands, erupting like a volcano that held in the lava too long. Leo draws him into a hug, crying as well, and for once Chris accepts him.

And for once, I see him in a whole new perspective. He's not closed in and pushing people away. He's not stone-cold and hiding his terror, his anger, his sadness. I smile, and finally he blurts out--

_Taking over me  
Your taking over me  
Taking over me  
Taking over me_

"I can remember now."

* * *

THE END!! Okay...that was a long song fic. Phew! Lol. RnR, plz!!

Pink-Charmed-One


End file.
